picture taken by: Limor Ben Romano
This post was taken from a column I wrote for "Mako" (http://goo.gl/vT4wA)
Limor Ben Romano has
gotten used to hearing the phrase "But you do not look gay", and once
she even took it as a compliment. After exposed to enormous variety lesbian
women in the community she realized how limited was her knowledge. She is
currently being filmed series "Proud" by Arava Gal, which brings the
stories of lesbian women in Israel. In a personal column she explains why she
chose to be filmed.
Written by: Limor Ben
Romano
Hi, my name is Limor
and I love women but hates definitions. People have this habit of trying to
give you all kinds of titles such as 'lesbian', 'masculine', 'feminine', 'Tel
Avivian left party'. They do so, especially straight people, so they can
accommodate you, logically, in their mind.
"So, you have a
boyfriend?" He asks. "This is my partner," I say, pointing to my
wife, proudly. "What, are you a lesbian?" He's surprised. Then
recited them familiar phrases such as "So who's the man and who is the
woman?" Or "Can I join?"as if my relationship with a woman is a
window of opportunity his filthy porn fantasies, and "wow, you're such a
waste, believe me" and of course the 'I think that just have not met the
right man "- no, I think you just met the very wrong woman, so Bye now.
"You do not look
gay" is something I hear a lot. Sometimes it's surprising to me, in the
past it actually complimented me because my difficulty to accept myself into
the lesbian community was mainly since associative 'lesbian' was in my mind as
well a very masculine woman, with cropped hair and very aggressive. After all,
I never saw myself as such, so how great it is that I did not look like one.
But the more I met more women in this community, I realized how limited my
worldview was and how diverse and inspirational women in our community. I got
this discovering opportunity since I got into the community, but most people of
our society will not get this opportunity.
picture taken by: Ziv Sade
It does not surprise
me when the television constantly reinforces the same stereotype: on one hand,
Frida Hecht in 'Big Brother'- until we finally have a "real" lesbian
representation it turns out to b stereotypical hardcore -a lesbian truck
driver. On the other hand, what does the film industry offering us? A couple of
actresses in an American film gettingt a bit drunk and 'making out' in a
slumber party or pornography erotic role-playing games by two hot women, mostly
straight. If that's the case then why shouldn't we get comments when my wife an
I are walking on the street, hugging?
Why shouldn't straight
men an women raise their eyebrow when they heard we are together? ("Really
you do not look like lesbians"), why a man will not feel comfortable
enough to approach us at a bar and interrogate our sexual habits? If
you do not teach it, if you do not talk about it in the media, where the hell
will people who do not live in this LGBT community can be exposed to women who
love women in the most simple, real and normative way, no matter how
they look, so you can stop being surprised by their sexual orientation?
When I saw the
advertisement on Facebook that calls for women who want to be filmed for the
documentary project called "proud" by Arava Gal, the director and
creator of this series, I thought it would be an interesting experience. But
when I met Arava and started filming what I also realized was the importance of
my participation in this series.
I realized that by the
fact that my partner and I are filmed to this documentary series of
lesbian women that carries the name "Proud" and is intended to be
distributed to every single transmission frame that would allow it - we give a
peek to others and allow them to get an idea of exactly the same world and
the same lesbian characters which do not receive exposure there, in the mass
media, in the education system, n the awareness of society.
This is exactly the
goal of the "Proud" - through out those short documentary
chapters in which the viewers are getting to know Limor, Lilac, Daniella,
Hodaya and then more and more names and faces to show the audience an
expand collage of lesbian women and to open their minds when it comes to the
traditional attitude and the old and despicable determination of who is a
'lesbian' and how should she behave.
I don't t like
definitions at all. Forget about titles and formats, open your mind and
let's meet women, funny women, strong women, sensitive, in a
relationship, alone, in intimate moments or in the middle of a busy street,
women who love like everyone else does, who ponders, women with values, beliefs
and desires. It may sound simple, but it's so not obvious.
They say that change
begins with us. I've never saw myself as an activist who will revolutionize
with her own hands and feet (and I'm a little jealous of those who do). But I
believe that participating in "Proud" allows me in my way to start a
small revolution, even if it's in the views of one person, man or woman, it
doesn't matter.
And who knows, maybe
the next time a man approaches me in a bar will be because he
actually recognize me form chapter 4 and only came to ask for an autograph.
Well, not for him, for his girlfriend.
All the episodes of
the documentary series “Proud” will be broadcasted in the international LGBT
film festival in Tel Aviv, the “TLVFEST” on june 13th, 6 pm during
“Mix youtube” in the cinematic theater.
Watch "PROUD WOMEN" here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMTPj_zUfYo
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